Need to take care of myself

Life is not too smooth as I don't feel any support from Ken. I sometimes think he doesn't know how much he hurts me. Of coz, I don't say anything, bcoz he won't understand.

I am very Unhappy. The only thing I can think of is... being with Horlicks. However, I try to walk with him as much as possible. I try to hide myself from Ken... actually... I think he doesn't care... or he doesn't feel any problem. that makes me even more depressed....

After I start medicine, things really turn not too well. Continuously headache, from one joint pain to ALL joint pain at the same time. Maybe I should get very upset in order NOT to eat too much and start to cry more....?

My friend, I think I am in depression again. Maybe I need some helps. Whenever I am in this moment, I super miss Janice and just wanna go to be with her.

I sometimes think why do I have to take care of myself? Why do I need do? God told me this last night, "So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE".

Does he mean I should overcome everything Ken treats me or does to me bcoz I love him very much? I don't know... I am very stressed. Work, health, now home....

Whenever I see people hug their kids, I am so mad at myself, why can't I hug Janice? why can't I tickle her? why can't I make her kitchen myself? I always want to make her a kitchen so she can cook for me.

after all these, why do I need to take care of myself? why? bcoz I love God? or God loves me? right at this moment, I can only tell you, I can't love myself now. bcoz I really HATE myself.